I had seen a TED talk recently about this lady who said she was very afraid of hiding. She had a very individualistic style of dressing and had very individualistic hobbies. And she said that she never felt weird about anything she did till she came to another city. The moment she realised that she is differently dressed compared to others and has a sense of individuality which might be categorised as “weird”, she started hiding her personality. I am sure a lot of us could relate to that. We love say doing certain things, but we know that people around us will make fun of us, so we try and not do those things. This has happened to us since childhood. Say I like looking into the mirror, and someone tells me only stupid people look into a mirror. And before you know it, I start hating to look in the mirror. But the hate towards the mirror was never real. That was taught to us by some external agent.
That TED talk hit me quite strongly. Because I was trying to go back to my childhood and remember the things I loved doing. And whether a lot of it got lost or diminished a little bit. I loved being in front of the camera, I loved dancing and being the leader. I loved looking at myself in the mirror. I loved acting and mimicking other people. I loved posing for the camera. I am pretty sure I toned that aspect of myself down as I grew up. I wonder why though.
I fear I might be judged. I think at various points when we stop what we really love to do, it is mostly because we are scared of being judged.
That fear is the exact problem. We are fearful not because of other people. We are fearful because of our own insecurities. The day I start posting a lot of videos without feeling fearful is the day I know I would have conquered this fear of mine. And meditating today also made me think of those thoughts and feel much more confident after I opened my eyes after those fruitful ten minutes.
So my request to you is this. Do what makes you happy. And I know for a fact that if you stand by what you like, then even the people who did not approve will come around.
I have always felt that there are more nice people in the world than bad people. And the people who are bad are not born bad, it is situations and life lessons where the cynic in them has taken over.
I attended this Buddhist meditation camp last weekend where the venerable explained that when we react to an angry person, it is because we have not yet learnt to separate the anger from the person itself. Think about it like this. When someone is angry, it is not who they are, it is almost like an entire different emotion has taken over. Humans are designed to be social creatures who have humanity and compassion, but it just gets lost as we grow up and see the vices of the world.
More on my updates. I am in Mumbai for a few days . I have come here for a performance and I shall be back to Bangalore very soon.
And must I say this city never gets boring. One can just not be bored here.
I shall update my next blog post once I am back.